"Virginity and chastity are no guarantees for fertility" - Nigerian pastor's wife who gave birth after 15 years of waiting recalls being mocked

 

A Nigerian lady, Josephine Muyiwa-Afolabi, who conceived an offspring following 15 years of delaying has recalled how they were ridiculed by companions.

Josephine and her better half, Pastor Emmanuel Muyiwa-Afolabi, welcomed their first child in June 2022.

Taking to Facebook since the birth of their little girl, the career coach detailed her journey from wedding, the long periods of delaying, the lies, mockery she and her significant other faced.

In a post on Sunday, July 3, she reviewed how two ladies chattered about her in chapel, saying that she should carried on with an exceptionally unbridled life in school and had a few fetus removals.

"Virginity and virtue are no assurances for richness" - Nigerian minister

"When we said “I do” on October 20, 2007, little did we know the kind of journey we were about to embark on. We had envisaged welcoming our bundle of joy within the first year," Josphine narrated. 

In any case, similar to a senseless joke, days began running into weeks, weeks into many months into mind blowing years.

Years loaded with interminable month to month streams; of proceeded with red-hued frustration. Of avoiding hostile to malarials to try not to hurt an alleged pregnancy that didn't actually exist.

Of unexplained horrendous agonies which went on for 14 days per month, Leading my husband to pray at some point saying: "Lord, even if you will not give us children, heal my wife from this endless pain”

What might be said about joke and risky lies from those we assuned were the nearest to us? Same individuals who claimed to appeal to God for us while in all actuality, were celebrating covertly about our circumstance, using our aggravation as news items, ridiculing us for continuously being on medications....hmmnnn

Be that as it may, right at the height of the mockery, Oh Lord, you emerged and made great your commitment unto us. At the most unforeseen time, You shut the mouth of the adversary and the fakers!

Following 15 years of seemingly a ceaseless journey of childlessness, You have demonstrated that you sure have a history of keeping your words. Olorun agbaye o, you're powerful!

After endless visits to over a decade hospitals with a few failed techniques, Oh Lord God, you stepped in, voluntarily and you've made it wonderful.

After I completely surrendered and erased every arrangement for kids from my plans last year May, you Oh Lord chose to appear and advise me that your commitments unto me are yea and so be it!

Also, for every individual who has asked us: "where is your God?", You gracious Lord has responded to them without help from anyone else!

Hey God!!! Muyiwa and I are at long last father and mother to our valuable Princess - oh how sweet the feeling!

Furthermore, to my in-laws: there was no single day of protests or abuses; it's been enormous help all through these 15 years. The Afolabis are a unique variety abeg and we are super-thankful.

"To my mom abiyamo tooto-Taiyelolu Alice-thank you for your constant and genuine supplications. The child is at last here.

To my siblings who were genuinely there for me-you won't lose your reward. Also, our companions who remained with us in prayers and moral support, we love all of you. Presently, we can certainly sing: See what the Lord has done (2x) What we waited for Has come to pass. See what the Lord has done"

Describing further, she stated: "I was at work and a colleague complained about how her domestic staff was getting fatter by the day and how she suspected that the girl must be pregnant.

 

"I chipped in: “she might be getting fat because you’re feeding her well and she has peace of mind; weight gain is not the only symptom of pregnancy and doesn’t have to be a result of pregnancy.”

What's more, my associate answered: "Josephine, you should have at least let experienced people talk."

What was my reaction? I felt like the ground should open up and sw@llow me. Once she realized how embarrassed I felt, she quickly apologized, saying: “sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

 

 

"Well, the deed was already done and till I left that particular office, I deliberately avoided every and any conversation related to pregnancy, child bearing, etc.

 

#Lesson. Sometimes, you may mean no harm but know this: people who are trying to conceive are extremely sensitive to words and actions that alienate them or make them feel incapable.

 

The fact that someone is yet to have children does not imply that they are in total oblivion about pregnancy, child bearing or child care, just the same way it’ll be erroneous to assume that an unmarried person is clueless about marriage matters. Let’s be more considerate and kinder in our choice of words.

 

About seven years into our marriage, Sunday service had just ended and as the usual practice was, my husbandman had to attend the post-service Pastors’ meeting holding in the Senior Pastor’s office. I sat in the church auditorium waiting for him.

 

Then two ladies walked past and stood some distance away. It appeared like they were waiting to see the Senior pastor.

 

One of them then asked the other, stylishly pointing in my direction: “who is this woman?”

 

That’s Pastor Afolabi’s wife.”, the other responded. “Which Pastor Afolabi? She queried further.

 

All the while, I didn’t look up and as such, neither of the ladies were aware I could hear them.

 

“How many Pastor Afolabis do we have here? that cute pastor naa.”

“You mean he’s married? Wow! I didn’t know.”

“Yes, he’s married but it’s like they don’t have children”

 

And the other responded: “na wa o. This thing is very common with young ladies of nowadays. They’ll live very promiscuous lives in secondary school and university, have several abortions and end up looking for a pastor to marry and the pastor will start suffering and praying for them to have children without having a clue about the wife’s past.”

 

My reaction? I moved farther away from them as I didn’t want to hear any more rubb1sh. I know myself, my husbandman knows me too well and my God knows me better than anyone else does.

 

#Lesson Whoever told anyone that women trying to conceive must have been promiscuous at some point in their lives? And why would anyone assume that having children is a reward for chastity such that once you don’t have, it is assumed you lived a deviant life?

 

Look, there are several people who had multiple sexual partners as singles and yet had no issues with having children after wedding. In the same vein are several couples who though remained chaste all through their single years but had to deal with infertility.

 

While I’m a strong crusader for no premarital sex, I understand that virginity and chastity are no guarantees for fertility. So next time you see a couple who are trying to conceive, don’t be quick to draw conclusions that you know nothing about.